Maureen brings a “Moneyball” meets “Ted Lasso” approach to high-performing teams, including 2,000 athletes and coaches. She uses the Clifton StrengthsFinder to measure talent that helps leaders and teams reach their full potential.
Her latest book, “Win Like a Girl: Coaching Female Athletes to Become Confident at the Game of Life” provides sorely needed bravery training that takes women from the locker room to the corporate board room.
Maureen has a B.S. and M.S. in Mechanical Engineering, and an M.S. in Leadership and Business Ethics, and is a Gallup-certified StrengthsFinder subject matter expert
She provided leadership development training for executives as an adjunct professor at Cornell and is part of the University of Michigan’s Center for Entrepreneurship and Rochester University’s Masters in Sports Leadership.
The importance and significance of:
Welcome to the Athletics of Business, a podcast about how the traits and behaviors of elite athletes and remarkable business leaders frequently intersect. The real stories and hard lessons to help you level up your leadership and performance. Now your host, Ed Molitor.
Welcome back to another episode of the Athletics at Business podcast. I am your host and CEO of the Molitor Group, Ed Molitor. And I could not be more thrilled to welcome today's special guest, someone I consider a dear friend, a mentor, an expert in her field, Maureen Monte. Maureen is an author and a consultant to sports and corporate teams, where she brings a Moneyball meets Ted Lasso approach to high performing teams, including 2,000 athletes and coaches at the middle school level, the high school level, the college level, and the Olympic level. Maureen uses the Clifton strength finders to measure talent that helps leaders in teams reach their full potential. And I really encourage you to go back and listen to Maureen's previous two episodes. First episode number 10, finding your strengths and understanding your weaknesses.
And then episode number 114, where we dive into her book Destination Unstoppable and we talk about building winning teams. And today on episode number 182, and as a girl, Dad, I so embrace this and I absolutely love this. We are helping Maureen celebrate the release of her latest book, Win Like a Girl. Coaching female athletes to become confident at the game of life, which provides sorely needed bravery training that takes women from the locker room to the corporate boardroom. Incredible conversation. There's so much here. So I want to get out of the way and jump into it a few of the things that we'll talk about today. We'll talk about the importance of understanding your strengths and weaknesses in order to facilitate meaningful conversation and the value of asking questions and sparkling dialogue to encourage learning.
And one of the pieces of this conversation that I absolutely love, choosing conversation and action over silence and inaction. And when you think about some of the difficult conversations that we have to have, the hard conversations, but being intentional, choosing that conversation is so powerful. And then we'll talk about reshaping the concept of winning to prioritize personal and team growth and being intentional in training, playing hard, and what being a great teammate. There's so much more here. I just hope you enjoy listening to this half as much as I did recording it. Maureen is absolutely a superstar, one of the kindest souls that I know and she pours everything she has into her work. And that's why I'm so super excited about this book, Win Like a Girl, because it is absolutely what all the young Women out there need right now.
Maureen, thank you so much for joining us. And we're already laughing. Thank you so much for joining us again here on the Athletics of Business podcast. I can't speak. We're having so much fun already. Third time you've been on and I am so delighted to have you back and to talk about your new book.
Ed, I can't thank you enough. This is my first podcast, really about my book since it's been released, and to have it be with you is super fun for me and I'm really honored. This is going to be fun. The people that are listening are going to learn a lot. We're going to have a good time. I don't think this will be one that they can turn off.
No. Well, as long as you do all the talking, it's not one that they can turn off. Okay, so I have the easy part. Ask questions. But I want to read something from your new book, Women Like a Girl. Obviously very near and dear to my heart. Just love the work you do. But this is early in the book and it explains the current situation and state of affairs. And not just sports, but women's sports. Right? And it says, we've reached a critical juncture in sport. Forget the win, loss records, the statistics and the world rankings. They mean nothing in the long game of life. It's time to move the goalpost and gain utter clarity about our success in sport.
Success is helping athletes navigate their emotions and overcome significant challenges like being ridiculed on social media, saying no to alcohol or drugs or life. Asking for help is brave. We must develop power for girls who choose. I love this. Who will choose conversation and agency over silence and in action. Winning is training girls to dig deep for valor when the brutal winds of self doubt. How victory is coaching athletes to be confident, formidable girls who say this is wrong and then do something about it. Athletes who are the first to step forward when others step back. Athletes who raise their hands and take charge. Man, is that powerful. Talk to me about that, could you?
I believe it 1000%. I have seen the consequences firsthand when young women are not able to do it, when women and middle aged women are not able to do it, and when executives are not able to do it. That's why it's a life skill. Because it is our job to learn how to do this. Because if not us, who? And if not now, if we don't teach young girls this now, when will they learn? And that's why I asked Riley Gaines to write the foreword. Because I don't care how you feel about the whole issue of trans women competing in women's sports. Riley at least had the fortitude to raise her hand and say, that's not fair.
What were the conversations with Riley about that. That experience. Right. For her? Where did that come from?
First of all, none of this was on my radar until it was. Right.
That's how it works, right?
Yeah. And I was impressed with Riley's ability to stand up in the face of that social media pressure in the face, to say nothing in the face to the whole world. And were speaking about boundaries a minute ago. We don't have boundaries in the locker room anymore. Right. We don't have boundaries in women's sports. So her ability to challenge the lack of boundaries, I thought was really impressive. I met her in Michigan and told her about Win like a Girl. And I'm thinking I didn't know what to even. I didn't even know what I was doing. Right. So I told her about it. She was very interested. We emailed. I went to a conference in July of 2023 that was strictly about the science of athletes, male, female. What does it tell us? Where is the. Does the testosterone matter? Da, da.
Riley spoke, and she has since spoke. I've seen her speak on many panels, but she spoke along with the. A swimmer that was on the same team with swimmer Leah Thomas. And the moment everything changed for me was when the swimmer who was on the same team as Thomas, who had been raped at 16, so now she's a college athlete, was forced to change, stripped down naked in front of Thomas 18 times a week. And this is not how I expected us to start this podcast, by the way. Right. I do not have an agenda on any of this other than if we want women to participate in sports, we have to make it fair, safe, and inclusive is important, too.
But I do not believe that the very best way to solve this problem is through having men who have become women compete against women. Right. So Riley's clarity around it and her courage and her willingness to stick into the fight was impressed me. And I realized she was the real deal. Right. Because people present themselves. But I spent three days with Riley Gaines out in Colorado. She's the real deal.
Tell us about your work. Tell us about your work in women's sports and your commitment and your passion. And there's something I also want to read, something that's on your website, matter of fact, I wrote it down right here that I love your two books, Destination Unstoppable, which We talked about in a previous podcast. Absolutely loved it. About the Cranbrook hockey team and the story behind that and how that connects to your childhood and your upbringing and the work that you do. And now Win Like a Girl. But I love the two books. One purpose to realize potential and change lives. I love that.
That's it. And the small wins for me are the joyful ones. Right. Meaning I don't need the Olympic gold medal. And I've worked with Olympic athletes. I love them to death. But to me, a small win is a woman who chooses to not eat lunch by herself for the first time ever in high school to go talk to someone and say, can I sit with you? To me, that is a small win. That is a ginormous win. Right. The obstacles women have. And it gets back to the strength finder. And this Win Like a Girl is not a strength finder book. Right. The goal is coaching female athletes to become confident. The game of life. But my data, my strength finder data, which I always do.
Strength finder with the teams I work with, I began to see ginormous gender differences between the male athlete and the female athlete profile. Shockingly so, to the point where I'm like this.
Were you surprised?
Usually.
I mean, because you've. At this point, you've worked with both men and women's teams for years. And when you really sit there and.
When the numbers got higher. Yeah, Of. Okay, so now I've worked with 200 men and male athletes and females. Now 400, then 600, then 700, and now it's over 700. And I also have a separate. And this is another podcast for another day. I have 400, almost 500 coaches. And they have an entirely different strength finder profile. Right. So I see there's three species in sports. There's male athletes, there's female athletes, and there's coaches. And they're not alike. Now, they have some commonalities, but just a few. And what they have in common is they're gritty and hard working. So they're persistent, they persevere. And I'm talking about the athletes at this point where it goes south. Different is a better way of saying it is. The number one strength in male athletes is competition. Very, very high. And it doesn't.
It just makes the top 10 of female strengths. They're not competitive. They're in it for different reasons. They compete to be more of part of a team, to make progress in doing well in something. Right. And they like it. And I'm all for it. Those are great outcomes. But here's where it gets shockingly abysmal. And this is why it's hard for women to speak on any topic, whether it's having lunch or whether it's saying enough of this with male and men in the library. Okay. 728 female athletes. I've looked at the data this morning just to make sure I was on top of it. Well, what self confidence can be measured by the strength finder. Right. If we think sport builds confidence in female athletes, then what percentage of female athletes should have confidence or self assurance in their top five profile?
Oh gosh, it should be quite high is what it should be.
So pick a number.
See, you would put me on the spot. I'll go with. I have a gut feeling what it is, what it's around. But to go along with this exercise, I will say, really, it would be awesome if 80% of female athletes had self confidence in their top five.
Wouldn't that be awesome?
It would be. It would be awesome if it was 100%. 80% would be phenomenal, right?
2. 2%.
I really did.
I didn't think it would be that 2%.
I was thinking 30 to 35%.
Maybe 2%, not even 2%. It's the least common strength in female athletes.
And let's talk about for you, the female athletes that you have done this with too. Like this is significant. This is really significant.
It is. I have worked with high school, college and Olympic athletes, national team athletes. Right. It isn't like I'm. And by the way, I don't think this is the. It isn't like that I'm working with. I think if I picked women out of a group, athletes out of a group, it would fall under this. The same thing. Meaning it's not just that I'm working with some of the best. I think. And here's the. At the root of the problem is this. We are confusing. For female athletes, competence was at something with confidence at something.
Wow.
The competence is super high. Right. And this permeates pro sports. You saw Naomi Osaka fall apart in the press room after a match. And she took time off. Right? Simone Biles took time off. Now Simone just won. And I added this to my book at the last second because I heard her interview in my jaw drop. She just won her eighth US national title. Eighth. She's the goat in gymnastics. Right.
Which wasn't there. It was questionable whether or not she was going to qualify with when she came back. Her first time back was here out and off in the States outside Chicago. She competed and I didn't realize that she was trying to make the U.S. national team or excuse me, to compete for it. So that is amazing.
And then she nails it, okay. And she has like 19 gold medals, whether it's world championships or Olympic medal in her life. She's 26. Okay. And her post game interview, and this is in my book and I've got, I'm happy to send you the link with NBC. She said in her post match interview she said she felt great and her team believes in her and her coaches believe in her and her fans believe in her and her family believes in her. Maybe now I can start to believe in myself. Okay.
And that's the goats. That's the goat saying that's the goat.
And so how do you think a 13, 14, 15 year old high school athlete or a college athlete is feeling? And then there's all these other enormous life pressures. So the point being we've got to close the competence to confidence gap. We have to increase their confidence. We can train for confidence. It takes practice, daily practice. It doesn't take hard practice. And at the end of my book is the playbook for exercise and activities that done with teams to help young women make this journey. To stand up and say stop sexting me. To stand up and say I want to be captain. To stand up and say I want a promotion.
At what age start utilizing this playbook.
Oh, absolutely, you can start.
So I could start with my daughters.
Absolutely.
Your basketball team. We could start with this.
Absolutely, you can start with this. And it's large, it's a lot of, it's dialogue and having them, you know, one of the exercises I have athletes do is describe what they're most afraid will happen. Right. So when you start talking about, you know, what do you fear most when you compete? And I've got a video on my website of the five fears female athletes fear the most. Five things female athletes fear the most. And it's from my work with athletes and coaches and most of it because the strength, their strength finder results are mostly relationship oriented is fear of broken connections or disappointing parents or disappointing coaches or disappointing teammates or making a mistake and looking stupid. And that makes me an outsider. They have this entire worry box of things that if you are worried about that you will not perform well. Right.
You know, God, there's so much here. So train the confidence right every single day. Here's the thing, be intentional about it.
Absolutely.
And one of the things, the first thing that comes to Mind is something that I say to Maddie NJ, Matty's 11, EJ's 9. And I'll tell Maddie, never worry about letting me down. Never. No matter what happens out there, you're not gonna let me down. Just make sure you play hard and you're a great teammate. That's it. If you do those two things, we're good. I don't care what mistakes you make. I don't get just effort and energy. Teammate, be a great teammate. That's it. It's okay. But you sit there and we talk about confidence. And when a young woman, a young girl, is on the lacrosse field, on the soccer pitch, on the basketball court, on the softball team, whatever it is, and they look and they see the body language that some of these coaches display, right?
And they see the body language that some of these parents display. And they hear that dad, mom, they're the only ones on the sidelines, like lighting me up. And I'm trying my best, guy. I don't know that the whole competence versus confidence thing is that well known.
It's. I think it's utterly missed and it came to me late in the game of this. And I've been working on this book for four years and I had a conversation with athletic director who said, oh my girls are way more confident than my boys. And I remember looking at. In high school, I remember looking at him thinking, dude, you are either out of touch.
Yeah.
Or you got some. Something in the water. Okay, don't give that water to me, by the way. And as I thought about it, I'm like, no, no. You know what? He is confusing girls that are coachable, girls that are competent with confidence. He's confused. I never went back and said, dude, you're so confused. Here, let me help you. I may. He's actually I could walk there if you remember in the book. And the book is structured with a short intro. Riley Gaines forward. My little intro. And my intro Was that my 12 year old cousin getting screamed at by a guy, a parent, who yelled just hit the damn ball. And I took the word got out, okay. Just because I thought we should hit the damn ball. And the coaches with her arms crossed, you know, and the girl falls apart.
And so then it's the fictional story of a lacrosse team to try to. And it allowed me to bring all the characters I've worked with over the years.
Well, yes, let's talk about that. Talk about the book and how, where it came from and how you put it together because it was Very fascinating, because as I'm reading it, and I loved it. I absolutely loved it. As I'm reading it, I'm like, gosh, I wonder where this person showed up in Maureen's life. I wonder where this person. You know, there are some I want to meet, there are some I'm good without, right? And there's some I could probably connect the dots to certain folks here that we deal with in the athletic world, but talk to us about the book.
Well, as I began to see the confidence and then these conversations I had with young women and their inability to ask for help, and there were two women in particular being sexted by the same guy, and they could not go ask. They would not. And I offered to go with them. And you know, I mean, all these little things that are big things too, right? I mean, and they never did. And they thought it would impact their. Their ability to make the team. And I'm. They made the team and the. The person who was sexing them, the boy that was sexing them, was related to someone on the coaching staff. You know, so you're just like, you can't make up their. Their horror stories. So there was that, all that experience.
And then I have the strength finder data, and then I'm seeing how different they are than men and that they have different coaching needs as a result. Okay? So I build a how to non fiction book about how to do what I do with athletes with some of my research behind it and some of the data I went to. Of all things, if anybody out there is writing a book, write down the name Jane Friedman. Jane Friedman is a tremendous resource. She offered for 25 bucks, I could go to a class on the importance of the table of contents. And so of all things, I go and I hear this woman named Jenny Nash speak. And she showed examples. I'm like, oh, my gosh.
And if you think of the table of contents being your menu for a restaurant, just say it's a cheeseburger versus this thing will change your life or whatever, right? I'm making this long story short, I ended up hiring Jenny to coach me on the whole book, okay? And that was not a insignificant financial adventure. It was the best thing I ever did. I'm not an. I'm an engineer, right? I'm a. I'm a leadership consultant. I am not a author. So long story short, she and I decided to make it fictional rather than a. Here's a step by step on how to have confidence training with female athletes. And I started with a team I actually worked with. They were a lacrosse team.
And it was a subset of some of the challenges, but not all the challenges I've ever faced in my journey with male and female athletes are sports teams since I. Which I've been doing since 2015. And so that allowed me some freedom. I could create a coach that was a compilation of three or four coaches or I could create girls that were. But I what I wanted was the journey to be realistic how hard it is to be a first time coach. That's her job. Right. That's the main characters. And then she goes and gets mentoring from her high school coach who she was not coachable when she was in high school. Right. It's all the same things you're going.
To see and extremely talented, like extremely.
Accomplished, you know, all American, blah, blah. Right. But I wanted to put at the beginning of the book and I this shows my age. I and I used to be young. We all did before COVID before the book. I was younger.
We all did.
We all were younger. But Kylie Simon's song. You're so vain. You're so vain. You probably think the song is about you. I wanted to put at the front of the book and this reflects my nature. If you think any of these characters are you go read the lyrics to Carly Simon's book. You're so vain. You probably think this things about you. Because I do have a, you know, some people that might think, well, that there she's talking about me or whatever and I'm not. It is a female sports story. But I've had difficult male athletes. I've had great male athletes. I've had difficult female athletes, you know, great coaches, both coaches, great parents, troubled parents. It is independent of any one person or any one scenario. Right.
But it does, I do have, you know, having made literally hundreds of workshops with thousands of people, there are some interesting stories.
I. Hey, can we pause for one second because I know how to make you a TikTok star. Okay.
Oh my God. I wouldn't do TikTok off my left to put a body. But okay, go.
No, no. Just stay with me here.
Okay?
You need to make a music video holding that book, modeling, lip syncing the words to. You probably think this song is about you by Carly Simon.
Oh my God.
And yes. And we'll dress you up like a lacrosse coach with a whistle around your neck and a clip on your hand. And I'm going to tell you going to be at a million hits. And then we'll work on the nil Deal. We'll have all sorts of stuff. Yeah, we'll be rolling. Maureen, huh? All right.
What would I do without you?
I know, I know. Probably have a lot more sanity, but anyways. All right, so you made it. Made it a fictional book, which I absolutely love, because you're combining people in your world into one.
Athletic directors, you know.
Yes, man. And as I was reading, you could feel it, though, right? Because the characters were too spot on. They were too real, and that's what makes it such a great story. So.
And that was hard work because I've not done that before. Right. I've never written fiction, a fictional book.
Was it hard? And I'm curious, and I don't want this to become a book writing, but I am curious because it speaks to the meaning behind the book. Right. That's what I love about. Speaks to the meaning. Was it hard, though, at times? Even Carly Simon. No. Carly Simon's like, God, I really can't create that story because I'm going to say a name and hope it's nobody's name, but Joe's going to know that I absolutely am talking about that one time back in 2015, to pull that. Was that challenging for you?
You know, I was able to. To shift the specifics enough. Capture the. The greatness or the difficulty of the moment, but shift the specifics enough. Right, Right.
First time coach.
First time coach.
Let's talk about the team.
So she inherits a group that had won the state championship a year before, and that was part of the true story of the original lacrosse team I worked with new coach, and they'd won the state championship the year before. So at a school that's a good sports school. Right. You would say, wow, overall, if my child's an athlete, that's a good place to go. Right. And she is convinced, as she was a competitive monster, that she can bring a high performing, competitive philosophy and mentality to this group. Well, the girls hate her right from the moment they start. Everything's measured.
What was the coach like before her? Because I think that's important to share, too.
Oh, she was meaning the coach that.
That she. No, that she replaced. What was she like? I think that's a significant piece. Yeah.
She replaced a man.
Okay.
Who in the story, she replaced a man who had been so abusive on the girls that the parents had a little rebellion Right.
After a state championship.
After state championship. And I've worked with many coaches have been fired. So it happens. And it may be fair, it may be unfair, but it happens. But that's she's coming into the high expectations. She has high expectations. She has this approach that winning is everything in her mind, which, by the way, does reflect more of a male athlete model. Right. In terms of strength.
But they are out there, though, right?
They are. And we need those women because they'll set the bar, but nobody. We also need to accommodate the fact that in general, women need that strong connection with coaches and teammates. That's the fuel for high performance and a divided, high drama full of craziness. Women's athletic team will rarely perform well. So it's her learning the hard way, right? Because it doesn't work for her. All her rules and all her measuring. And there's a thing she institutes called the winner circle. And every day at practice and after games, she says who the three people are that belong in the winter circle, with the end of the year being whoever's in there most. Let's say Bri was in there most. Bri gets the mvp. But the kids that are new are never, ever even going to be in the winner's circle.
Or those that are adding value by being human glue right on the team. So she learns the hard way.
Now, you and I might put them in the winner circle, but this woman was not put in the winner.
This woman was not going to put. No, no, no. She didn't value that at all. And this is the challenge, helping coaches understand that there are many things that can be valued here. And so it's the story of her finally hitting rock bottom. She's having trouble with her fiance. She's struggling with her team. Everyone hates her. There's been a battle with her and her assistant coach on the bus, and she reaches out to her former high school coach, and he agrees to work with her as long as she implements what then becomes win like a girl, the framework.
And I think it's important here because I don't know if a male coach is listening. You know, a man who coached a woman's team. We're not bashing men coaches at all. Because that's what she reaches. It's either. It's the behaviors of certain individuals right out to her former coach. And what he does is just super. It's incredible. So sorry. I just want to make sure that we put that. No.
And I. I think that's super important. One of the things I did get, and it doesn't matter from home, someone say that it rubbed her the wrong way, that a man helped her improve. I'm like, let's not do them. I hate male bashing. I really do. I, I, as a female engineer and I started and end my career. I'm the only woman on the team. Where would I have been if nobody. If the men didn't, you know, allow me? And I had more trouble with women, frankly. A little bit like Riley does. The head coach. The fictional head coach. Right. So my point is, we need them. All right. Okay. Everybody's valuable.
Yeah. And I did not mean. I did not mean to interrupt you, but I know.
Oh, no, that's okay. That's okay. So she reaches out to him and he says, yeah, you were very. He puts her on. On the screws on her reading. You know, he. He's real upfront about. You weren't coachable then. Are you coachable now? And she's desperate enough that she's willing to try his way, which she hated as an. His athlete. Being his athlete. Right. She resisted measuring her assists versus her goals. Right. That sort of thing. So, long story short, she has a, you know, a moment a week between so spring break, and she's alone because her boyfriend didn't come home. So therefore, she's forced. Not forced, but she chooses to make the journey of learning a different way of going about this. Then she has the moment where she has to heal the team.
The team comes back going, man, we're going to be in big trouble because we've lost all those games. And by better appreciating her girls, by appreciating her assistant coach who doesn't know a thing about lacrosse, but provides the human glue side of things, the season turns around and they make it to the state final, and that turns out how it turns out. Her challenges continue in terms of there's a difficult parent. The athletic director has his way of doing things, and then there is the very most difficult girl on the team who is determined to bring everybody down. And you're going to find some people like that. And so it's her journey of learning how to manage all that to the best of her ability, reshaping what winning looks like. Right.
From the win loss column to these girls learning who they are and doing things they were afraid to do previously, both on and off the field, and figuring out for herself how she can add the greatest impact to the universe. So that's the story.
And here's the thing. Reshape what winning looks like. And it's okay for us to talk about as coaches, as athletes and parents, you know what? We still, we still want to compete. We still want to win. But winning the win, loss column, those marks are going to be a byproduct of the way that you're doing things and how you create, define it for these girls, right?
That's absolutely correct.
Can we talk about for a second how you weave in the top five fears of female athletes into the story, how they show up, and you subtly put those in there? Because I think it's really fascinating.
Yeah. So I. I already knew that, like, I already had the five fears kind of figured out, right? And so I addressed them through conversations with the coach, with. With the girls or the girls coming forward and saying, I'm afraid if I don't, you know, what if I make a mistake? When she finally puts the young woman, Teagan, in. Right. In a playoff, she's like, I. I might make a mistake. I might. She's like, nope, you've prepared for this. You go do that. And so it's really about weaving them in as real things that happen within the story itself, right? The characters or her own reaction to some of the things that they're afraid of valuing the girls that bring the. The human glue. The goalie. Right? The girl, the Kiona is her name. Who helps try.
She does her very best to manage the difficult athlete whose name, Lexi. Right? She. So she's adding value in other ways. And so it's all about helping them feel valued in the roles that they have, the different roles they have. And all. All teams have girls with different roles, right? There's the girl, there's the most competitive. The captain's competitive. Jayla Valentina's the co captain. She doesn't like conflict. They try to talk to Riley. Riley won't hear him. And the head coach. So it's the journey of people struggling to make a organization successful. This journey is the same journey whether you're in sports, whether you're at home, whether you're a leader in a corporate team or a women trying to find their way in the workplace. But I do think the only thing that has never happened in this book, right.
Or that I'd shape the truth around, was I have the parents practice. So there is a game canceled. We have the parents practice. The parents don't know that when they show up that they are actually going to be put on the field to try to play lacrosse with their girls being the coach and the girls saying, run faster, mom. Right? What kind of shot was that? Right? And then I think the more precious part of that was, and they have to commit to the team trust bank and, you know, the team trust bank. That's from destination unstoppable. But the parents have to commit to say only nice things. Things.
Well, let's talk about the team trust bank. I think if I'm listening to this, I'm like, gosh, I really want to know what the team. My answer is, go read Destination unstoppable. Let's talk about the team trust bank.
The team trust bank I use with every team and I'm corporate executives. This has turned some groups around. You are either the trust bank is this. It's like any other bank account. You want more in it than less. And everything you say, do, or decide is either helping the team or. And therefore, it's a deposit in the team trust bank or it's hurting the team and it's a withdrawal. So the goal is to make deposits and measure the trust bank by acknowledging deposits. And so a great. Someone makes a great pass. That's a deposit in the team trust bank. Somebody helps someone with homework. That's a deposit. Somebody helps someone get home when they had. They didn't have a way to get home. That's a deposit. A withdrawal is, you suck and don't do that again. Right? Or.
Or just putting your hands up, making.
A face, making your face. All that negative body language. None of that is a. That is. That is hurting the team. It is not helping the team. And every single one of us have control. The girls and everybody else that I ever work with have to commit to 100% ownership of it. Of the. The amount of money in the trust bank. Meaning, let's say you and I have a trust bank. I'm not going to say, well, I did my part and wait for you, Ed, to do yours. I'm going to say, we don't have enough money in the trust bank. What can we do to increase the money? We work together to do it. And we must address withdrawals. This is the particularly hard part for female athletes. If I and I talk about this in the book, right?
If I tell you're a slacker during practice and I don't have my own little light bulb moment to go, that's actually withdrawal from the team trust bank and go back to you and say, you know what, Ed, I'm sorry, I'm tired. I had a bad day. I would. That will not happen again. And that's 100% ownership. I will never do that again to you, Ed. And instead, I don't realize that. And I go on about my business and think, Ed's lucky that I helped him understand that he was a slacker. You then have to come to me and say, maureen, that was a withdrawal from me. That was a withdrawal from the Team Trust Bank. And then I have to say, you know what, you're right, it was. And I will never do that to you again. Ed, I appreciate you letting me know.
Will never happen again. And that's how you take 100% ownership for a Team Trust Bank. And when everybody commits to that, there's no longer about, I'm a good person or a bad person or you stink or I don't like you, it's a withdrawal or it's a deposit. And you can do that with people that you struggle to enjoy. So it's transformational that.
The thing that I find significant about the Team Trust bank is metrics aren't deposits, goals aren't. No assist. I guess it's great.
Assist is more of it.
Or saying nice. Saying nice or great goal.
Yeah, don't worry, we'll get that next time. Yeah, right.
It gives, it gives a whole new meaning, Maureen, to when a coach stands in front of his team and says, we're broke. Like we're broke. Right. How many of us are, how many of us are overdrawn? You know, and we've had that. And you know what's interesting to me though, with that practice scenario and getting the parents to practice. What if we did that with the parents at the beginning of the season on the sidelines and in the stands and said, yo, and once you're overdrawn, you better figure it out or you're not coming around.
Right. I think it's totally. This is how you shape culture. These are boundaries. We talk about boundaries. Right. This is how you create boundaries. And when we. Everyone is owning it and deposits are celebrated, withdrawals are addressed, so many problems go away.
Right.
The human system of success. And that's all I focus on.
Well, and it creates that space of psychological safety for everyone. And now if we need to call something out, we're able to call it out. And we're intentional and we're conscious of calling it out in the right way.
Right. No, you're absolutely correct. So that's part of it is getting them to commit and then having the girls And I've had athletes do this, write a thank you note to their parents.
Yeah.
About, you know, and that there's. These are all the things that can be done to help make a. The athlete have a world class experience that prepares them for life. If you go on a job interview and you're 20 and you send that company's HR person or whoever a thank you note. A real thank you note. You've just differentiated yourself from everybody else out there.
Well, it's so funny. I just did a workshop down in Austin, Texas and one of the things we talk about inside of our victory defined program is the I intangibles. And the very example I used was the thank you note.
Huge.
And everyone looks at you like, well, it's not. No. Because you weren't around. It's a big deal. Like the handwritten note is a huge significant deal.
Yeah, yeah.
There's so many.
You want a competitive advantage or don't you? If you're trying to get like what.
You're talking about when like a girl. I mean my daughter and wife are two of the most competitive human beings I know, like in my world. But and someone said this to me when Maddie started middle school. They said, well, how's Maddie doing in middle school? I go, you know, she seems to be adjusting pretty well. I go, I'm really happy. I'm always very conscious of what she says and does and how she acts. I go, but things seem to be going okay. They said, well, she's a tough little girl with a lot of self confidence. I said, oh, is she? I really. I go, is that, I go, is that what you see on the basketball court? So you see on the playground? Is that when you see when she's pounding her little brother? I said, she's still inside.
Deep down inside, she's still an 11 year old girl. Right. Which you said when you're talking about Simon Biles. And by the way, if you send me that link, I will put the Simon Biles press conference. I will put that in our show notes so folks can see it.
Perfect.
I will share it.
I'll make a note.
Yeah, because I think that's so significant. But all this. But we're not talking about them not being tough. We're not talking about them not competing. We're not talking about not having fun. But we have to be very aware of what are some of the other strengths that you have seen consistently show up and female athletes from so at.
The top is number one is restorative, which is the gritty I will never quit. Right, right. So that. And so it's a weird name. Think of it's. It appears often in doctors. So imagine you had blood results taken and the doctor goes and looks at it and says, well, I don't know what's wrong, come back in a year. Well, that's not helpful. Restorative would be. I won't quit till we get to the bottom of that.
We're going to put it all back together. We're going to figure it out.
Right, right. High in both genders, both are high and achiever. And then after that for women is when the strengths are associated with needing a lot of praise or feeling that you understand their feelings, the being included is important. Right. And those are way lower than in men in general. But they're. It's surprising. And that's where that notion of that female athletes need to bond as a team, to battle as a team. That's the data reflects that. Right. And then down at the bottom, you don't see there's confidence at dead last. They're not very so analytical is a strength that is pragmatic. So female athletes tend to be more driven by their emotions. Right. And that's the stuff at the top. And analytical people like Spock from Star Trek are like, oh, that's what's the, what are the factual aspects of this. Right.
And there isn't a lot of that. So when you try to use logic sometimes in many female athletes, it isn't as it doesn't resonate with them, is that.
That's interesting that you just said that. When you try to use logic. So as we're teaching them, I call it basketball iq, we call it lacrosse iq, soccer iq, as you're teaching them that aspect of the game, logically it might be hard for them to get there. So how do you get them there?
So I think that's where you just simply encourage, encourage, and they'll work hard for you if you believe in them. Right. Simone Biles needs you to believe in her before she believes in herself. So if you simply believe in them and say, oh, I believe you can do this and just encourage as they make progress because they'll work hard at it. It's just a matter of they may not look at it intellectually like you do. Right. So if you're trying to get at them through their little noodle, that works. If it's their. If they're wired that way, it may not work as well. If it's more about, I want, I really just want to be out here having fun with my team and I want you to tell me I'm doing a good job.
So if you think about this from a perspective of repetition and putting in offenses, putting in defensive schemes, offensive sets, putting in different Things and repetition, It's a constant state of reinforcement with the girls.
It really is. That works with boys as well, right. I mean, who doesn't like to be encouraged? But for them, that's the fuel that keeps them going. If you, they get the sense that you disapprove of them or they're disappointing you and they will project what that means to them. Right. You don't have to say, I disapprove you or I, you know, or you're disappointing me. But if they get that sense, the work ethic and the grittiness drops in many cases. And then conversely, and we haven't really talked about this as much, the women wired with those rip your face off competition. I'm happy to be in charge and actually I am confident and I believe I can do it. And I don't care what you believe. Then how embracing are we to those of women that have those characteristics? Right.
And I've had more than one coach wired that way, female coach say, I'd rather coach boy sports because the boys are wired more that way. And I am very proud that I, I stopped one of them this year, 2023, and said, the girls need to see you. Okay? They need to see a woman like you. They can take over the world and please get out of the way, but you know that you will not, do not expect that from them. When we saw the strength finder results, right? And it was all about the love and what I call love and hard work. The strengths that are relationship oriented and the strengths that are get it done and achieve. Right. Which is not the same as winning.
But there are competitive girls and the amount of competition is from a strength finder standpoint in the female athlete group of 728 is higher by a lot than most than if we pulled women off the street.
Right?
Okay. But net self confidence is not. And that's the problem I have, right?
How do you see that show up in the corporate world? Like if you have a former college athlete, a former Olympian, a former high school standout, you love the fact the athletics is there. Like you get being a part of something bigger than yourself, being goal oriented, right. Self discipline, structure, they make good. But that self confidence piece, how as a male leader, as a female leader, for that matter, how much do I need to be aware that store that still may be something that's underlying in this team member?
I think we just need more awareness around this. And by the way, my win like a girl confidence training is being used by women in the corporate World as part of resource groups for women. Right. Because I've got a great LinkedIn if. Because some of your people are on LinkedIn. Right? Some of your.
Yep.
Okay, I'm going to send you another link. And it's a woman that works at IBM, which is where I used to work. And her name is Hannah Frey. F R E Y. Hannah wrote a great blog post a year ago about a mistake she made when she was a college lacrosse player in a school in Massachusetts, Boston College or Boston, I'm not sure it's somewhere like that. And in high school in New York.
Now don't go getting BC and BU mixed up though because you'll get some people upset. But anyways, I digress. Go ahead. I'm sorry.
So I'm in Michigan, people. All right. We think we're the center of the universe and we do have problems in Michigan State, but let's just.
Yes, hey, there's problems in Ann Arbor too.
There are. This woman, Hannah, had been a two time captain as a lacrosse and they'd gone to in New York and had gone to the state finals final four like twice or whatever. The captains of the college team had been picked by the coaches early in previous seasons. She was a junior, I believe in college. And they said we're going to do it differently this time if you want to be captain. And then she had no warning, which would have given her a little. She may have needed time to think. If you want to be captain, you stand up and say why? And she's like, every bone in my body was screaming stand up. You would be great at this. I know I can do it. I know I can do it. I know I can do it. And she didn't do it.
And she said it's one of her biggest regrets to this day. Here's the good news. She learned from that. And now when she's feeling uncomfortable or there's an opportunity for a step up or step over to go to a different part of IBM, she raised her hand. So that's the great news. But I want her to know how to do that before she gets. So that she could have been captain.
Well, now we can in when like girl confidence training, we can train for that, for those moments. So what do you see the young women that do lean into wanting to be a captain? What are some of the strengths and traits that you see in them?
You know, I don't think there's a single one. Right. And you, if you think about captains, there are Captains who lead this is like leaders. They lead from position of knowledge, the knowledge of the sport or knowledge of the company or knowledge of the industry you're in. There's, there are knowledge based leaders and then there are relationship based leaders. I would look for pairs and I'm, I, I'm still working with Cranberg Hockey in Michigan, which is the team in Destination Unstoppable. And I met with the head coach and assistant coach yesterday and were talking about captains for this year. So we have a captain's meeting every year to talk about what being great captain looks like. Right? But I think, I don't think there's any given one thing.
I think it's a variety of characteristics that often match to strengths and the men do like winners, right? In other words competitive people. But you can also see the mistake many people make. And I'm from Michigan where Miggy Miguel Cabera is retiring like this weekend is his last games. Whatever. Some along the line they said there was a guy on the team named Victor Martinez who was good friends with Miggy and Victor was the team captain. They don't have a captain in baseball. At least I've never seen that on the pro team. But the discussion was why wouldn't Miggy be that Miggy needs to help hit the home run. And if Miggy's not a natural captain, even though he's very likable and very playful, don't put him in that role just because he's a great player. Do you see what I'm saying?
So there is, I asked just do all three captains want to be captains? I ask. I think that's an important thing because maybe they don't, but they would never may hesitate to say I actually don't want to be a captain. Right?
It's okay.
It's okay, right? What's his role then? His or her role? There's other roles, right? There's team captain chemistry of team chemistry which is part of destination stoppable story right. From the goalie that didn't play.
Right.
So there's. So anyhow that's my theory is you as the coach need to be clear what you expect of your captain. The captains have to be clear that's the role expectations are. Then we look at the, you know, the strengths and how they achieve it in that way. But I think having everybody be a hard driving rip your face off when it and be captain, if everybody's that way on the team, that's going to be Hard, I think. I think that's less effective.
Here's a question that I had not planned on asking, but I think it's really significant because. And this is coming from a coaching standpoint is, okay, I get it. I get the social aspect of women's sports, girls sports. I get the fact that we have to train to confidence. But how, Maureen, do I hold them accountable? Because.
No, because we're still gonna.
We're still gonna have standards, we're still gonna have expectations. Right. How do I hold these girls accountable without damaging them?
Team trust bank. If we had a team trust bank, we would not have the problem.
So coaches are in the team trust bank.
Absolutely. And there is a situation, a small one in the book, where somebody says, was that a withdrawal from a trust bank? Or Riley may even ask the coach, Riley, did I just make a withdrawal? Have I gone back to my old ways? And by the way, the trust bank, when I go into teams that I've worked with, sports teams in particular, I'll say on a scale of 1 to 10, where 1 is, we got no money, and tens, we've got all kinds of money in the trust bank on this team today. What's our trust bank level? And so everybody votes and we end up with some number like 5.2 or whatever. But then it's like, okay, what are we not doing, right, that we could be doing more of?
And so it's a constant discussion about, where are we today with our trust bank? Where are we today if we ranked? And I have people rank themselves on athletes, rank themselves on their. Their compete level, their work ethic, their coachability. These are those four pillars of victory in the book, right? And being a great teammate. And so my. When I work with teams, we use a worksheet. How do you rank yourself today? What thing can you do this week to better at that? That's accountability as well. But anytime you're any of those things, you've battled hard and you're a great teammate and you listen to the coaches. That is a deposit in the team trust bank. There's always all good things that happen in teams are deposits in the trust bank.
You know, it's funny, I just thought of a story years ago when I was a head coach at junior college, were struggling. I mean, at the time, I think were 16 and 2, 16 and 3. But finals had just done, and were struggling, and I was furious. But something went off of my head. I'm not sure what it was. And I didn't kick him out of practice. I just said, listen to me. We're done. Now, here's what you need to do. You need to go find $5, get showered, change, get $5, and meet me at this bowling alley. We went bowling. And now that I look back on that, yeah, we talk about. But think about when teams play wiffle ball or volleyball or softball. But now that you think back on that, not. Are you just having fun and getting away from it.
You really are pouring into this trust bank as you joke, as you laugh, as you give each other high fives, as you know, I mean, it has nothing to do but what's happening in that moment. And you actually, even when you give each other a hard time, in those moments, you're pouring into the trust bank.
Yes, you are.
I just realized. I literally just had that epiphany. I'm a slow learner, Maureen.
No, you're not. You're very.
No, but that. I just love this. Well, before we wrap this up, let's talk about where we can find out more. Maureen Monte Consulting. Okay. Let's talk about the book. Let's talk about your Facebook page. Give us everything on social where our listener can go and dive in, because I know they're eager to do so.
Aw. Well, thank you again for. For allowing me to have this discussion with you. And one last thing about what I want coaches to do, though. And I ask a coach after they read this book, right? A pre like you did you read it? I asked one of them. I said, and he was lacrosse coach and helped me correct my mistakes. I'm not. I don't know a thing about lacrosse. Sorry. I'm talking about coaching the lacrosse in know. I'm writing a book about it. And I said, could you do this now on your own without the book? He goes, oh, I don't know. You know, I'm like. And I said, oh, so you want girls to go outside their comfort zone every day and you're not. You're not willing. So what if you said to your girls, you know what?
We are going to try something new this year. I have no idea if I'll be any good at this, but I'm going to do our best, and we're going to make the journey as a team. Who's with me? The team will love him for it. He doesn't have to be perfect at it, Right? So you don't have to be perfect at this to start. Right. The playbook at the end will help you. And this is a great experience as a coach. It's a lot of fun. I think they'd have fun with it.
And it's a journey. It's a journey. It might not happen today, it might not happen tomorrow. Keep making deposits, keep doing these things.
Try the new things. Try these exercises and activities with the girls and you'll never. When have you ever run a drill that didn't go like you thought it was gonna? Okay. You adjust often. Often. Right. So this is the same mentality we need for people doing that in terms of where to find me. Maureenmonti.com the book will be is on Amazon and on all the online bookstores. It will be in bookstores late October of 2023. And you can always, if you want like a personalized autograph copy, you can always reach out to me on my.
Website or you can do what I'm going to do and I'm going to drive wherever you're having a book signing in Michigan and I'm going to meet you and have you sign in person.
Oh my gosh.
And then we can take a picture together.
Well, that sounds like a grand. I love that idea. That would make me very happy. We'll go to dinner.
Even better.
And then you can find Facebook. It's Maureen Monty. But it's also Win Like a Girl book on Facebook. It's one Like a girl book on YouTube where I have some interviews with athletes. That's fun. That are fun. And there's going to be more of those with athletes and coaches and parents. So if that's good enough, that is fantastic.
And we'll have all this in the show notes, obviously. And we will do some social posts on this and some video clips and all sorts of great stuff. Now, I have to ask you, we only have a few minutes, but I have to ask you this. And this is something I'm absolutely going to start incorporating in the work that I do with our biopharma and biotech clients. I love this. Can you briefly, succinctly and you and I are going to connect on this again. Talk about the impact tree.
I think it's one of the coolest exercises and I think it's important and I think it goes hand in hand with the coaches that read Win Like a Girl to understand the significance of not only the impact that they're having, but how exponential that is all the way down the line and the impact that the girls that they coach can have over time.
So I blogged about the impact tree and it is basically the idea of you measuring how many people you touched and what the impact was. So let's say you have a workshop and I'm just going to say 10 people show up just because that's an easy number. 10 coaches, whatever.
Perfect.
And then they go on and implement when, like a girl, or for example, or destination stoppable with their teams of 22 people. So now the number's gone from one of the 10 to 22 plus one. Right. So to 23. And then they do it year after year, or those girls then start using it in a different part of their life, like the bait team or robotics. Right. So it's this notion of keeping track of how you have made an impact on people. And it isn't about looking like, oh, let me pat myself on the head, that I'm just so wonderful. It's really about just saying, wow, that's great news. Right. And the fact that I'm thrilled that I've worked with this many coaches and athletes. It's now 2000ish. Right.
But what makes me happy is how they use it in their own life or how the girls that they've worked with or the boys they've worked with have used it, or they come back to me that I've worked with them and say athletes, like five years later and say, I'm still doing this. It's just a way of helping, of understanding that's how it works.
And I also think it's a great tool for us to use to teach these young athletes about the significance they can have in this world, no matter how small a role they think they're playing. Because I really think we have a couple generations that are afraid to lean into significance.
I. I think you're correct. And covet hurt that it did big time. Right?
Yep. Now, I was gonna say it's not their fault, it's just. But this gives us an opportunity to put it on full display. And the work that you are doing, Maureen, is so significant, so impactful and so awesome. Obviously, as a girl, Dad, I greatly appreciate this book. Hey, I look forward to coming to a book signing. I will be there. All right. Win like a girl.
But you have to. I have to thank you for the blurb you gave me. That's in the book, right? It's in the very front of the book. And the fact that you read it and gave me feedback, that was super helpful.
I loved it. I mean, it was one of those books, literally. And I'm not saying this just to say I couldn't put it down. I mean, it was. And especially when the story really starts rolling and like I said, we start connecting to people and not just I wasn't just connecting to people in the youth sports world but to people in my past, the people that I work with in the corporate world. You see it and I appreciate, I was humbled and honored that you asked me to do so.
Well. Thanks and for being here today. And this is our first my final podcast about one Like a Girl. It couldn't better.
I love it. Grab your copy today. Maureen, I so appreciate you. Thank you for taking the time and look forward to seeing you soon.
All right. Thanks Ed.
Thank you for listening to the Athletics of Business. Be sure to give us a rating and review so we know how we're doing. For more information about the show, visit the athletics of business.com now get out there, Think, act and execute at the highest level to unleash your greatness.